Waking Up Is Hard To Do

Terrible Twos Day

Since this horrifically cutesy and clever title has occurred to me, I am now committed to presenting material from the Monster’s second year on Tuesdays, until I run out of old posts or happen to forget.

December 7, 2011

The Monster is two years old today. A day that will live in infamy…

This may seem unkind, but the Monster had just discovered Sleep, as opposed to momentary fits of unconsciousness, the week before, and from never letting me sleep at all had gone to dropping, without warning, into a corpse-like slumber at whatever moment made it hardest for me to get whatever I had planned to do, with her in tow, done. Some of you will say that a sleeping baby is good baby, and in theory I agree, but the Monster was more like a gently ticking bit of unexploded ordnance, apt to go off if people in the next county breathed too loudly. And by ‘go off’ I mean make enough noise to shatter windows and bring down buildings within a ten mile┬áradius. This is not the kind of risk that a man of delicate sensibilities takes lightly, so simply dragging her about by the heel was not on the board. Instead, the man of delicate sensibilities and refined judgment takes the opportunity to try to catch up on two year’s lost sleep when he has the chance, much to the annoyance of people who think he ought to be Getting Things Done. Below find Artist’s Impression of the Monster waking unexpectedly.

Waking up

December 14, 2011

The Monster’s erratic sleep ‘schedule’ is taking its toll on me. If only I could synchronize it with my own erratic sleep schedule.

We see from this that in fact I did not catch up on much sleep. But at least I didn’t get anything done either. I was, however, able to penetrate to the heart of the mystery of her strange behavior:

December 17, 2011

The Monster appears to be the product of millions of years of evolution on a moon of a gas-giant planet in a binary star system. There is no other way to explain the complex periodicity of her sleep/wake cycle.

I am happy to report that now, having evolved into Daffodil, her sleep cycle is comparatively normal- for a twenty-something hipster who prefers to get their seven hours after the clubs have closed.